Of love and hate

When love dies, what becomes of it? I used to believed that there is a neutral state, where no strong feelings exist. Or at least, I still want to believe that, but I cant. For the lost of love, I choose hate.

I hate him for leading me on. I hate him for giving me hope. I hate him for his looks, his smarts, his confidence, everything about him that made me liked him. And I hate him for everything that he had done for me.

You don't tell a girl that she's the best thing that happened to you and 4 hours later be at the pool side with another girl on your shoulder. Neither do you let the other girl believe that it's the first girl's fault and let the first girl be subjected to her interrogation. You also do not later try to befriendly to both girls and not do anything about the increasing tension between them. And you don't 'play' with 2 girls who live under the same roof.

But yet, you had done it all.... and choose neither of the girls... But it's not the reason I hate you. I hate you because on the day you told me that you have a girlfriend and I congratulated you, you said "I never expected you to laugh and be happy about it". For that, I hate you.

What makes you think you are so special? Why do you think I cant get over you? Bleh, that was the worst thing any guy I went out with had ever said to me.

But like Cyber-red, I thought I can forget and forgive.

Then it was 3 years till we met again. I thought everything is in the past. I thought we could be friends and move on with our lives. But yet again you provoked me by saying you cant imagine what kind of guy will fall for me. And what kind of guy I will end up with. You said you were curious, but for what? My relationships have nothing to do with you the moment you choose to betray my feelings. And you compared your girlfriend and me. How much we differ. How she was more gentle. How I am more ambitious. But does all those really matter to you? After so long, what else are you trying to prove? You are not doing any good but hurting my feelings more and more.

If I were to meet you now, I will still say 'hi'. But I will not be any friendlier than required for I still hate you. I can forgive and forget, only if you will let go of the past. Until then, I will continue to hate you.

So Cyber-red, I have a reason to say 'if my love ends, it will be hate'. I have had crushes but he was the first I felt so strongly about. Maybe, hopefully one day I will feel nothing for him, not love, not hate. Just nothing.

I look forward to that day.

A song for a very good friend

Girl, I know you had it tough. But be strong. Think clear and be honest to yourself; it is the most important at this rough time. Take care

歌曲：记得
Title: Remember
歌手：张惠妹 专辑：真实
By: A*Mei

谁还记得 是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句话 是我们以后的伤口
过了太久 没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手 说要一起走到最后

Who remembers who was the one who said ‘I will love you forever’
(Loving) words in the past will be our pain in the future
It’s been too long, nobody remembers the initial tenderness
(Of us) Holding hands, promising to be together forever

我们都忘了
这条路走了多久
心中是清楚的 有一天有一天都会停的
让时间说真话 虽然我也害怕
在天黑了以后 我们都不知道会不会有遗憾

We forgot how long we have been on this journey
The only thing that is clear in my heart is that one day, this will end
Let time tell the truth, although I am also afraid to know
Whether we will reminiscence (this love) as darkness falls

谁还记得 是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句 是我们以后的伤口
过了太久 没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手 说要一起走到最后

Who remembers who was the one who said ‘I will love you forever’
(Loving) words in the past will be our pain in the future
It’s been too long, nobody remembers the initial tenderness
(Of us) Holding hands, promising to be together forever

我们都累了 却没办法往回走
两颗心都迷惑 怎么说怎么说都没有救
亲爱的为什么 也许你也不懂
两个相爱的人 等对方先说找分开的理由

We are both tired, without an option to backtrack
Two incurably lost hearts
Darling, why (did it become like this)?
Maybe you too, do not know (the reason)
Two loving people, waiting for the other to say a reason to leave/break-up

谁还记得 爱情开始变化的时候
我和你的眼中 看见了不同的天空
走的太远 终于走到分岔路的路口
是不是你和我 要有两个相反的梦

Who remembers when did our love begun to change
In you eyes and mine, we saw a different horizon/sky
(We have) Traveled too far, and finally reached a cross-road
Is this because you and I have conflicting dreams?

谁还记得 是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句话 是我们以后的伤口
过了太久 没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手 说要一起走到最后
我和你手牵手 说要一起走到最后

Who remembers who was the one who said ‘I will love you forever’
(Loving) words in the past will be our pain in the future
It’s been too long, nobody remembers the initial tenderness
(Of us) Holding hands, promising to be together forever
We held hands, promising to be together forever

I am so bored...

I am so so so so bored. Yeah, I know I am repeating myself. Well, one exciting thing did happen over the past week: I got a job! Yes, I am finally employed! Thank you God! Bless everyone!.... But the excitement of that lasted only 2 days. Now I am dead bored...

Bf went to Thailand this morning for a 5-days trip, so I have noone to entertain me. I finished reading all the new books I bought; novels and magazines inclusive, I am done with all the vcd's dvd's I have, in fact watched them more than twice. I guess I can study for my up-coming JLPT and read up the 'Principles of Independence' for my new job, but I am lazy. So bleh, nothing to do :P

Hence, I update my blog that was neglected for so long... But I am not a person who writes, ask any of my friends and they'll tell you all about my writting tendencies, or lack of it.... End of update... hehe *stupid evil grin* :D

Another quiz... hehe

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This is some name modifier from http://monster.namedecoder.com/. Go try yours! :)

Quiz... for fun :)

You are Form 5, Dragon: The Weaver.

"And The Dragon seperated the virtuous from
the sinful. He tore his eyes from his sockets
and used them to peer into the souls of those
on trial to make a judgement. He knew that
with endless knowledge came endless
responsibility."

Some examples of the Dragon Form are Athena
(Greek), St. Peter (Christian), and Surya
(Indian).
The Dragon is associated with the concept of
intelligence, the number 5, and the element of
wood.
His sign is the crescent moon.

As a member of Form 5, you are an intelligent and
wise individual. You weigh options by looking
at how logical they are and you know that while
there may not always be a right or wrong
choice, there is always a logical one. People
may say you are too indecisive, but it's only
because you want to do what's right. Dragons
are the best friends to have because they're
willing to learn.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
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